Far and alone, but never alone.

I am never alone nor will be. Yet, as many of you, sometimes I feel that way.
just wanted to write it down somewhere.

current status:
japan mid trip

Mine

And she didn't feel "mine" this time... Has she ever felt "mine"?

Even though I loved her so much I'm realizing she was never mine and that I just did not prevented her from being, I just postponed it.

Whores will be whores.

And with this, men who love whores, will always love whores. Count me in...

Floating

Finally I can feel there is something after that concept of "you" in my life.

 I feel empty, satisfied but empty... Like if I've already loved what I needed to, what I wanted to... What I was supposed to... And I feel like floating. An Empty house full of dreams that never became true, did they? A heart once again full of this artificial stench leaked from frustration that makes me wonder: 

where did I let you go? And why?

Yes, I can be broken, yes I can miss you.

But as for the natural way of things, the more I am getting nostalgic and weak, you will grow stronger and more confident, regaining yourself while I start to lose myself. Something big will crack this situation, destroying it or making it anything but fun.

Have a nice day, I need to sleep:......

Tragedy

It happened long ago, and it will never be as important as it once was, and each time it happens I care a bit less.

As the Real NeoAkira might say:
Consideration? gratitude? recognition? there was plenty, but you are blinded by your anger, and the fact that we were living extra hours is not a reachable idea for you, travel back in time, and honestly, tell yourself when it started to happen. Need a Hint? since day one. It was a decay process.

Maybe you are aware of this blog, maybe not.

Meet who I call Isaac Becchelli.

In this lines, I just pretend to testify a couple of concepts while I try to guess a couple more about you my dear, to begin with, It's been my pleasure to share thoughts and dreams for a not rather short season, this said I can only lead my words to the topic I like to share with you:
Now that you are getting detox from the fear and pain, it is quite sure that you are now feeling anger, now that the sadness has left your spirit and became one with your solitude and a sea of complains about what's fair and what not, that precious soul you have has started to rot, yes, like mine, and no, it won't heal the way you expect.
Nevertheless I dare to pronounce in my name, that (just in case you were wondering) you will never be a negative part in my story nor represent a fictive character branded as an enemy of some sort.

Now... let's talk about betrayal.
Is not the worst kind of betrayal to betray oneself? aah! I knew you were going to agree with me, and tell me, How does it feel? not a very pleasant feeling I asume,  so, before you start justifying all the situations in wich you felt manipulated, grant me the opportunity to state that you were not the only one feeling manipulated but did as the other individual said just for the sake of a healthy relationship, which in many ways, began twisted, remained twisted and ended trying to untwist itself.
I did not betray you, you did not betray me, we both betrayed ourselves in the name of each other, you and me, became mythological griffins, stoic sometimes, furious some others.

What about what you did to me?
Do not thing the way you're thinking, I write in the name of the good vibes, the moments that where a pleasure to live for or in some cases it would have been an honor to die for, I sight of what I can relate to this matter, I enjoyed rather much the fact and myth of having someone whould say "I love you" and even when it never was something to get amused or excited, to share a pillow full of dreams, meaning to share a bed was something delightful, despite the fact I don't like to share my bed or pillow.
All the other small details, the were there, loved everytime they hapened, every thread in my old fixed (by you) jeans, every meal you cooked, everytime you shut yourself to let a demon speak without boiling in a noticeable way and the countless hours you spend trying to love someone who loved you back, but did it so differently we never felt what the other was doing nor pushing.



God I swear I'd love you to read me.
but I asume you are busy, trying to think of me as the bad one, felling a little bit disoriented trying to empathize with people you used to believe were evil.

P.S. As the cliché says: May god have mercy on your soul.
P.S.2 Just to clarify, I still am a non spiritual person, so no gods nor giants, only men.

Revuelto

Así, tal cual, revuelto me siento, y no puedo largarme porque llueve el trabajo ¿es una prueba? ¿Oque pedo con esto? ¿y si la prueba es mandar todo a la mierda? no se...

Project Loon

Hace tiempo que google no nos traia uno de esos proyectos por los cuales lo amamos y resptamos, pero al parecer esta nueva iniciativa nos vuelve a mostrar un google que (aun sin ser altruista de ninguna manera) está ayudando de formas innovadoras a traer infraestructura para internet alrededor del mundo. Como es cierto aunque desconocido por mucha gente, la mayor parte del mundo se encuentra aún desconectada de internet, y cablear todo este territorio serían inversiones multimillonarias y muchisimo tiempo en la construcción de dicha infraestructura, pero... ¿Qué pasa si volamos un poquito?

Si, literalmente volamos, la propuesta dle proyecto reside en poner globos como repetidores de señal, llevando internet al rededor del mundo al crear una vastísima red flotante ¿suena a ciencia ficción o a proyecto de estudiantes rotos sin dinero? un poco de ambas, pero en realidad es una alternativa viable con costos muy por debajo de lo que serían lineas por tierra y demás cosas, a demás, por la altura a la que flotan estos globos, no se mete para nada en el espacio aereo nacional reservado de ningún pais.

les dejo el video de como funciona y una presentación del concepto, ambos videos están en ingles, espero les entiendan aunque sea un poquito, pues esta entrada me ha emocionado bastante, haciéndome recordar que google no solo es Android (thank god...).

Ésta es la pagina oficial del proyecto: http://www.google.com/loon/

Éste es el video de ¿que es loon?:

y éste otro es como se esta echando andar la iniciativa y los modelos de lo que llevan!!
:D !!

Esperemos mas proyectos como éste por parte de Google y otras empresas!! no cabe duda de que vivimos tiempos increíbles!!

Left to rot...

So... she did it... big time! se practically erased her existence out of my reach.

Why?

I don't know... I figured that after talking with her she was going to remain a little more "tuned" with me, I guess it was just child-like hopes I had.

The worst part:

It is NOT the first time.

Since this has happened to me before with some other people I'm beggining to wonder...
Is is something wrong with me?

Then I rememeber that "selon elle" everything in me was wrong.

Maybe I'm wrong, but just for her, if losing any kind of communication with her it's the price for being myself, I think it's a cheap price, she was already missing from my life, this is just like accepting the fate that:

1. She suddenly died.
2. She was kidnapped and nobody knows where she is.
3. She never existed, I'm mad and I created 5 years of stories just to keep my mind busy.

You can chose. I just feel "left to rot"





In the meantime... I just wanna shout desperatedley: WHERE ARE YOU?

6 feet under... Ideas and thoughts

At the funeral of one of my college classmates' father I realized a couple
Of things I may take more serious about the idea of dying and leaving a piece of stone covering my corpse. I saw many tombs/graves which where faded away because of natural elements and time so, I understood the need of a long-lasting design for this purpose, I mean, stone and some other material we actually use to decorate our final destination in life are not as durable as one may think, in fact they're strong but it's lifespan looks to be around 50 to 70 years in the most lucky cases, and I'm talking mainly about text inscriptions made to stone (so this is presumably the only info we have about many people who is already dead). For my own grave instead, I'm planing on doing some research of durable materials and to think of a time conscious design made to last, nut also, not expensive nor unreachable so as soon as I have this info I'll post it in a much more proper way.

For this time I'll get you only some ideas :

Marble engraving, but a deeper engraving, not too mucho but nos as superficial as I've seen in graves today

Avoiding flat surfaces that wont actually remain the same way in 40 years, so basically to avoid water staying for long periods over the engraved text.

Avoiding flower pots and "little gardens over the grave will ensure free maintenance, and of course if the grave is totally sealed we can prevent robbery. (yeah in mexico THAT happens)

And by now it's all I can think of, so enjoy :)

Del tingo al tango

Un post totalmente random sin ningún contenido, tengo trabajo y proyectos, redescubro la ilustración como un hobby gracias al trabajo pero la emoción no dura mucho y "me lavo las manos" :(

Navidad every-fucking-where

En todos lados la Navidad llego, incluso a mi me ha agarrado desprevenido y he comprado un tapete para el baño que realmente me gritó desde lejos "cómprame! A que soy tierno!" y le he comprado... Que cosa mas cojonuda tengo en mi sala de baño ahora ojojojojojo!

Una década viviendo derrotado

Así como lo dice el titulo, ya una década (o quizás mas) de vivir sin un rumbo, de haber defraudado quien soy (o fui) por quien vivo siendo, de haberme dado por vencido en mi mismo y comenzado a importarme la vida y opinión de los demás, de haber callado mi voz y cambiado un liderazgo por una esquina en un cuarto redondo, diez añotes de irme a la cama diario deseando no despertar a la mañana siguiente, ahorrándome todos esos tramites de la vida con los que no quiero lidiar, punto. Soy demasiado cobarde como para encarar mi muerte e igual de cobarde como para enfrentar una vida que no pedí, que no supe administrar y que jamas he querido, y que lo peor del caso es que no quererla, resulta malagradecido: I didn't ask for a shit! Why should I be thankful? Dear life, go fuck yourself!

Trafico everywhere!

Arf...

esas curiosidades de la vida...

...no había absolutamente nada de ella que me diera asco, NADA, excepto su forma de ser...

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